10.13.2003
Lord of the Ring
Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married | Going to the chapel of love... ~ The Dixie Cups
Sometimes I am at a lost for words when it comes to describing some of the things going on in my life. During those times it seems as if everything is happening all at once, causing great gaps of time to appear missing...as if I were asleep for hours, or even days. I'm there, I know I am...but at the same time I'm not there. Wierd huh?
This weekend I watched my best-friend get married. The whole thing was kinda surreal. When we were kids it seemed the day would never come when we'd actually grow up. (Grow up? What the heck is that? When does it actually occur? Am I grown now?) Now that it seems that we have, it's like everything is changing. Jonjo is married. To Lisa. Wow...he's really an adult now starting a new life, with a new wife. Sooo many people were happy for them. They all came anticipating the moment when both he and she would proclaim their love for each other 'til-death-do-them-part! His love for her, and hers for him was accepted with no contest whatsoever. When the pastor came to the part: "If anyone hear has any just reason why these two..." no one said anything. No one stood and protested. No one batted an eye. No one...
That's when I realized weddings are way too stressful for gay men. At least for this gay man. As a kid I always thought I would get married. As a matter of fact I always thought I would be the first to tie the knot out of all of my friends, simply because I was the one that was always crazy in love. I was the one with the banging girl-friends! The one who would commit at the drop of a dime. So without question I just knew marriage was in my future despite my overwhelming secret attraction to men.
But low and behold, life has a will of its own. You cannot be someone you are not. You can't. It took many years but eventually I mastered the lesson. I am who I am, and finally I'm okay with it. And though this might come as a shock to some, I don't want to get married. What I want is respect.
I am in love. Happily in love. It's just...people choose to ignore it. As if my love doesn't exist, or shouldn't exist. And it doesn't matter that we've been together for years...if we were to ever find ourselves before a church professing our love I guarantee you thousands upon thousands of people would object, simultaneously.
On another note I served as Usher/Groomsman in the wedding and had a whole lot of shit to do and learn in a matter of hours. Stand here. Walk here. Go there. Not there, here. When the music stops do this. Then this. Then that. Okay? Got it? Let's roll.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Can someone please explain to me why women become so fucking frantic at weddings? The bride was cool. Nervous but cool...she just wanted to ensure everything went well on her day. The wedding planner however was another story all together. This fill in the blank stressed everybody out 5 minutes into the fucking rehearsal. I had to hold my breath and count to ten quite a few times but **breaths a sigh of release** I made it out okay...
Note to un-married women who want to get married but are still single: Bossing men around every second you get will not get you down the aisle anytime soon, trust. Relax, and let a man be a man.
One bridesmaid, and one friend who showed up to help out actually made my weekend miserable. I don't like being bossed around like a child! Repeat: I don't like being bossed arould like a child! God if I were straight---and thank God I ain't---these chicks would have gotten no play! Pushy! Pushy! Pushy!
Needless to say I was glad when I made it home to my own little world...where no one bosses me around, and my love RULES!!!
All my love to Mr. & Mrs. Jonjo Raysor...
Sometimes I am at a lost for words when it comes to describing some of the things going on in my life. During those times it seems as if everything is happening all at once, causing great gaps of time to appear missing...as if I were asleep for hours, or even days. I'm there, I know I am...but at the same time I'm not there. Wierd huh?
This weekend I watched my best-friend get married. The whole thing was kinda surreal. When we were kids it seemed the day would never come when we'd actually grow up. (Grow up? What the heck is that? When does it actually occur? Am I grown now?) Now that it seems that we have, it's like everything is changing. Jonjo is married. To Lisa. Wow...he's really an adult now starting a new life, with a new wife. Sooo many people were happy for them. They all came anticipating the moment when both he and she would proclaim their love for each other 'til-death-do-them-part! His love for her, and hers for him was accepted with no contest whatsoever. When the pastor came to the part: "If anyone hear has any just reason why these two..." no one said anything. No one stood and protested. No one batted an eye. No one...
That's when I realized weddings are way too stressful for gay men. At least for this gay man. As a kid I always thought I would get married. As a matter of fact I always thought I would be the first to tie the knot out of all of my friends, simply because I was the one that was always crazy in love. I was the one with the banging girl-friends! The one who would commit at the drop of a dime. So without question I just knew marriage was in my future despite my overwhelming secret attraction to men.
But low and behold, life has a will of its own. You cannot be someone you are not. You can't. It took many years but eventually I mastered the lesson. I am who I am, and finally I'm okay with it. And though this might come as a shock to some, I don't want to get married. What I want is respect.
I am in love. Happily in love. It's just...people choose to ignore it. As if my love doesn't exist, or shouldn't exist. And it doesn't matter that we've been together for years...if we were to ever find ourselves before a church professing our love I guarantee you thousands upon thousands of people would object, simultaneously.
On another note I served as Usher/Groomsman in the wedding and had a whole lot of shit to do and learn in a matter of hours. Stand here. Walk here. Go there. Not there, here. When the music stops do this. Then this. Then that. Okay? Got it? Let's roll.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Can someone please explain to me why women become so fucking frantic at weddings? The bride was cool. Nervous but cool...she just wanted to ensure everything went well on her day. The wedding planner however was another story all together. This fill in the blank stressed everybody out 5 minutes into the fucking rehearsal. I had to hold my breath and count to ten quite a few times but **breaths a sigh of release** I made it out okay...
Note to un-married women who want to get married but are still single: Bossing men around every second you get will not get you down the aisle anytime soon, trust. Relax, and let a man be a man.
One bridesmaid, and one friend who showed up to help out actually made my weekend miserable. I don't like being bossed around like a child! Repeat: I don't like being bossed arould like a child! God if I were straight---and thank God I ain't---these chicks would have gotten no play! Pushy! Pushy! Pushy!
Needless to say I was glad when I made it home to my own little world...where no one bosses me around, and my love RULES!!!
All my love to Mr. & Mrs. Jonjo Raysor...
